Week 2: And the rain came . . .

This week's phrase of the week? CULTURE SHOCK

I had hoped that my training in anthropology might render me immune to culture shock (believe me, it takes quite a lot to shock an anthropologist). However, I realise now that I had misunderstood the meaning of the phrase. Culture shock is not suprise at that which is different, but a more insidious feeling of groundlessness that comes from being immersed in the unfamiliar.
I had similarly misunderstood the meaning of homesickness, which is not necessarily desire to be at home - given the choice between being here and being at home I would undoubtedly choose the latter - but a profound awareness that you can't be. For me, culture shock and homesickness have produced a kind of emotional volatility (yes folks, even more so than normal). One minute I am contented, full of optimism, the next I am overcome by melancholy and depression. I had forgotted how hard it is to be somewhere entirely new - it's the same feeling I got when I started university. It's a confusing, guilt inducing condition because it is seemingly dissociated from your actual enjoyment of the experience. You feel ungrateful and borderline ridiculous for feeling depressed when you should be having - and often actually are having - an amazing time.

I had a bit of a wobble at the beginning of this week. The constant bouts of rain, coupled with culture shock, homesickness, illness and an agonising proliferation of mosquito bites, resulted in a period of depression and doubt. I began to wonder whether I had it in me to stick it out - six months suddenly felt like an intimidatingly long time. This has been a recurring theme this week, but the feeling is always fleeting and counterbalanced by more positive experiences.

Last week I described the traffic system in Jakarta as a sort of organised chaos. Now I see that this principle extends to all facets of Indonesian life. The pace of life here is unhurried and relaxed - stress is simply not on the agenda. Work is a relatively unstructured affair, an approach which is both pleasing and infuriating. At big team meetings, people come and go as they please, interjecting when they have something to say, emailing or chatting quietly on the phone when they are not interested in the discussion. Since the meetings are in Bahasa I sit at the back reading my book and no one seems to care. Organisation here is an imprecise art and plans retain a certain malleability - a meeting that is due to start at 10am may well not commence until late in the afternoon. A few suggestions of trips to visit regional offices have failed to materialise, which has been frustrating. Also, so far I have not been allocated much work to do, which has been slightly boring. I think that if I want to achieve anything here I will have to an engineer a role for myself, rather than relying on others to allocate tasks to me.

This has turned into a bit of a rant, which is unfortunate because there have been some good parts to this week. The new UK volunteer Hannah has arrived, so now there are 4 of us in the office. I also made a new friend in my kost (boarding house), Anggrek, a very sweet university student who is living away from home for the first time. Anggrek would very much like an English boyfriend and wasted no time in scanning my photos for a suitable candidate. I also had the opportunity this week to visit Taman Mini Indonesia Indah (beautiful Indonesia in miniture), an epic 'cultural theme park', containing life sized models of all the traditional regional houses, and a massive lake representing the Indonesian archipelago. Created in the 1970s by the then-president's wife, this 'cultural disney land' offers a fascinating insight into ethnic identity and cultural politics in Indonesia.