Weeks 21 and 22: Empathising with Elmo

Last weekend some friends and I, having long since exhausted the entertainment possibilities of Jakarta, decided to visit a safari park located on the outskirts of the city. Indonesians have what we might deem an old-fashioned approach to animals in captivity. Visitors to Taman Safari are encouraged to interact with the animals - hold them, pose for photographs with them etc - and the animals put on shows to entertain the crowds. Although the idea of forcing some helpless animal to pose for a photograph with me struck me as a little exploitative, I decided 'when in Rome' and duly posed for a photo with 'Elmo', a baby Orang-Utang. The unease I was feeling was compounded by the fact that Elmo was visibly distressed and recalcitrant. Watching Elmo squirm and protest, I not only sympathised with his situation, I empathised. I too know what it feels like to be on display, constantly exposed to the curious gaze of others.

Before I came to Indonesia I had no idea how much attention my presence would engender. It is immediately obvious to everyone I meet, or even walk past on the street, that I am foreign. Prior to this experience I had never really appreciated how multicultural Britain is. It is, of course, impossible to tell if someone is British from their external appearance; clothing and body language are far more reliable indicators of British identity than skin tone. The same cannot be said of Indonesia, where despite regional variations in appearance, most people are recognisably Indonesian. As a 5'9 white woman I might as well walk down the street with 'foreigner' tattooed to my forehead or emblazoned in neon lights above my head.

This wouldn't be so much of a problem (obviously, I didn't expect anyone to believe I was Indonesian) except that Indonesians are absolutely fascinated by foreigners. People can't help but stare at me in the street and most of them shout at me or try and interact with me in some way. I realise that for the most part it's just harmless curiosity and it would be much worse if people were hostile to foreigners. Indeed, their unsolicited, unconditional friendliness is one of the things I most admire about Indonesian people. To begin with I found it quite funny, but over time I have found it increasingly difficult to deal with. Rather than making me feel welcome, the attention is overwhelming, exhausting and alienating. Most people just shout "hello miss/mister” or “bule” (foreigner), but sometimes the comments can be a little more intrusive: “miss, where are you going?” “I love you miss!” “miss, can I know you?” (Answer: can you know me? Almost certainly. May you know me? Absolutely not). As a result, I spend most of my time outside in a bad mood with a permanent scowl etched on my face. Only very occassionally does someone make me laugh, such as the imaginative chap last week who decided to serenade me with Lionel Richie (“hello? Is it me you're looking for?”).

I can't walk down the street here without being reminded that I am different, that I don't really belong. As the risk of sounding meldramatic, the attention can feel a little dehumanising sometimes. It feels like I'm not really regarded as a 'real' person, more a 'novelty' person; an object to be poked, prodded, stared at and photographed. Even after this long it amazes me how many people – often complete strangers - want to take photos or videos of me. Some people approach me directly, and I usually agree even though I am a little weirded out by it, but others try and do it surreptitiously, which just makes me uncomfortable.

I've no doubt that the vast majority of people have good intentions; that it is simply harmless curiosity. Foreigners are pretty rare in Indonesia, even in Jakarta. Although a lot of international visitors come here they tend to stick to the tourist/expat areas so their presence is pretty minimal, a fact compounded by the sheer size of the country. At home we take it for granted that we will come into contact with foreigners, either at home or via travel abroad. International travel is accessible to most Brits, even if it is only a trip to Majorca or the Costa del Sol. In comparison, most Indonesians don't - and, indeed, can't - ever leave the country. Even if they could afford the airfare, the exorbitant government tax for leaving the country and the (relative) expense of everything abroad, precludes international travel for all but the wealthy elite. If you know that it is likely you will never leave your own country, then I guess interacting with foreigners in your home country is the next best thing. If you think about it, we sometimes take photos of strangers, perhaps those that are wearing traditional dress etc, when we are traveling and think nothing of it. When you put it in perspective, that people want to take photos of us is not that strange or disturbing.

However, what bothers me about the attention is that a lot of the time people don't seem to want or expect a reaction from me. It seems to be a form of entertainment for them and their friends rather than a genuine attempt at reciprocal interaction. I'm always amazed by quite how funny people seem to find me. To many people, shouting "hey mister" at me seems to be the epitome of witty behaviour. I also object to the way that some people persist in their attentions even when I have made it clear that I want to be left alone. The other day whilst we were waiting at the train station a man started to take photographs of us on his phone. We all put our hands up to shield our faces, clearly indicating that we would like him to stop but, not only did he carry on taking photos, he and his friends started laughing at our obvious discomfort.

Jakarta is not an easy place to live as a foreigner. If I'm honest I don't really feel like I do live here. I have always been aware that I am only staying here on a temporary basis. I'm a little ashamed to admit it, but if I were ever to to live in Jakarta again it would probably be as a steriotypical 'expat'. I've always been a little scornful of people who move abroad and then insist on living in expat enclaves complete with all the comforts of Western life. Now I understand that their decision to do so is a little more complicated that mere reluctance to be parted with starbucks/baked beans/cornflakes etc. It incredibly hard to live somewhere where people seem so determined to draw attention to your otherness. I've had a great time in Jakarta, but I can't wait to be somewhere where no one stares at me in public!